my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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