Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
