Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
