It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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