i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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