here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
