I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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