so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
