stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
