Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
