the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
