i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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