8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
