He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
