he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I want her autograph on my taint
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
