yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
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She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
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The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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