He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You were trust falling into bushes
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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