it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
