HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
