apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
