If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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