i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
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The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
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That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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