dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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