I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
zippers are such a cool invention
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
