She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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