note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher