if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.