I've blown a few things in my day
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
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VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
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I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair