I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
There was a lot of him and a little penis
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.