can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
