i love accidental penises.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
