Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
