Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
