Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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