the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
