so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
