just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
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he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
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We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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