I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
