It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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