I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
