im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
