I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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