halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
