I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
