I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
