So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
