i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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