Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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