At least make sure they are 18
Why
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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