i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
