dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
