dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
