mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
