did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
