This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
