I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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