think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
A bitchslap is in order.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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