I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
