you're like a bully in the Christmas story
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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