So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize