Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
