I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
