i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
even my farts smell like vagina
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
