i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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