It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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