I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
