I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
