Don't you send me to vm
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
