the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
