i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
