His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
