I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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