Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
